Lesson 4 Building High Self-Esteem

The terms self-esteem and self-confidence are interchangeable and are synonyms of each other. Both can be defined as: having confidence and satisfaction in oneself and in one's powers and abilities. 

Having high self-esteem is considered an emotional trait of highly successful and happy people. 


The great thing about self-esteem/confidence is it's NOT something you are born with, but it is something you can build yourself no matter what your current circumstance is. 

Anthony Robbins, an author and leader in the science of peak performance says this about the emotion of confidence in his book "Awaken the Giant Within:"


"Unshakable confidence is the sense of certainty we all want. the only way you can consistently experience confidence, even in environments and situations you've never previously encountered, is through the power of faith. Imagine and feel certain about the emotions you deserve to have now, rather than wait for them to spontaneously appear someday in the far distant future. When you're confident, you're willing to experiment, to put yourself on the line. One way to develop faith and confidence is simply to practice using it. If I were to ask whether you're confident that you can tie your own shoes, I'm sure you could tell me with perfect confidence that you can. Why? Only because you've done it thousands of times! So practice confidence by using it consistently, and you'll be amazed at the dividends it reaps in every area of your life.


In order to get yourself to do anything, it's imperative to exercise confidence rather than fear. The tragedy of many people's lives is that they avoid doing things because they're afraid; they even feel bad about things in advance. But remember: the source of success for outstanding achievers often finds its origin in a set of nurtured beliefs for which that individual had no references! The ability to act on faith is what moves the human race forward."


Okay we see that confidence interacts with faith, but what is faith? A general definition of faith by Webster's Dictionary is, "faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof; to have complete trust."


The nice thing about learning how to build self-esteem is that there are numerous resources out there for you to learn from. One of my favorite blog sites out there is called "Pick the Brain" and it's a website dedicated to self improvement with a focus on personal productivity, motivation, and self education.


Here's a great article that will help you build self-confidence. (Click on the Title Below)


10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence.


Question (please answer)
1. Of the 10 ways to build confidence, which do you find the hardest to do and why and which do you find the easiest and why?


Assignment
Click on the tab titled Recommended Books and Articles and click on "Think and Grow Rich." Read Chapter 3 on Faith and Chapter 4 on Auto Suggestion. Write a half-page personal auto-suggestion including what you want financially, emotionally, family, spiritually, physical wellness, and anything thing else you desire.

Lesson 3 Improving Communication

We are living in 24/7/365 information society. At any time we can access any information on our cell phones, computers, tablets (iPad), and even the “old” television thanks to the Internet and 24 hour cable news channels. 


We are now living in the “Information Age” and the “Knowledge Worker” is found to be more valuable (well paid more) than the individual who performs manual labor tasks.

New skills must be acquired. Researchers have found that workers “typically change tasks every 3 minutes” and “take about twenty-five minutes to return to an interrupted task…usually plugging into two other work projects in the interim.” 

Take this and times it by SIX!

Time does equal money and it is estimated that these interruptions are costing the U.S. economy close to 6 billion dollars a year.


In order for you to be successful in this new era, you have to become self-disciplined. You will also need to become good at critical thinking, problem solving, and a communications expert.


It’s important to understand how communication works because technology has changed how we talk to one another.


There are three main communications processes, Intrapersonal, Impersonal, & Interpersonal. For now, I am only going to discuss the latter two, as Intrapersonal communication deals with how we talk to ourselves. I want to focus on first how we communicate with others.


Impersonal communication is a “one-way” process. Think of it as an instruction manual that comes with that new toy you bought. In businesses I often see it as a message board posted on the Intranet (not Internet). You may also see it as an email memo, or if you are working for a “non-green” company, a paper memo. This type of information must be clear and precise so the receiver of the information is not confused. 


*Impersonal communication takes good writing and communication skills!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!

Interpersonal communication is the exchange of information between two or more people. This type of communication is often much more complex as there are so many other factors that come into play. The key to understanding Interpersonal communication is to understand what perception is and how it works.


Perception

What do you Perceive?

Remember from Lesson 2 that Perception is the process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information considered valuable enough to give importance and meaning to something that we receive. Basically, we isolate specific characteristics we deem important, assign them some type of label, and then store the information in our memory banks (this becomes our “perceptual truth”).


The reason we use perception is because there is an unlimited amount of information out there and we could not function if we were to take in all we see, hear, smell, touch and taste. We have to decide is meaningful, important and vital to what it is we are trying to accomplish (i.e. what we want).


Let me expand some more on how perception works in communication.


First there is you (the sender of information), then there is the sender’s filters, then there is the message, then there is the receiver’s filters, and finally we get to the receiver (the person or persons in whom you are “trying” to communicate with). Tied into all is what we call feedback (the interpretation or clarification of the message).


So what are filters? As you are sending and receiving messages (communicating) there are a variety of filters that can distort the intended message. These filters include:

• Semantics (the study of the relationship between a word and its meaning(s)).
• Emotions
• Language/Culture
• Attitudes
• Role Expectations (how people expect themselves, and others, to act on the basis of the roles they play, such as boss, customer, employee, etc.)
• Gender-Specific Focus (ones understanding of how gender “should” act or behave)
• Nonverbal Messages (FYI- 75% of our communication in nonverbal)

As you can see, Interpersonal communication can be difficult at times with so many variables (filters) to account for. So who is responsible for effective communication? The sender and receiver both share equal responsibility. No it’s not 50% -50%, it’s more like 100% - 100%. 


Questions (answer one or more of the following)
1. What are the difficulties of communicating via email and texting? How has email and texting changed the way we communicate?
2. How does nonverbal communication affect you professionally and personally? Why is it important to study nonverbal communication? Can one ever “master” nonverbal communication? Why or why not?

Lesson 2 Perception

Perception is the process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information considered valuable enough to give importance and meaning to something that we receive. Basically, we isolate specific characteristics we deem important, assign them some type of label, and then store the information in our memory banks (this becomes our “perceptual truth”).

The reason we use perception is because there is an unlimited amount of information out there and we could not function if we were to take in all we see, hear, smell, touch and taste. We have to decide is meaningful, important and vital to what it is we are trying to accomplish (i.e. what we want).

Perception is done through a the three “selective” processes:

1. Selective exposure- the choices we make to experience or avoid consequences or experiences.

2. Selective attention- where we focus on some things while ignoring other critical information (concentrate on what you wish to remember).

3. Selective retention- where we only retain what we interpret as important or satisfactory to us (agrees with our views and forget what does not).

Once we have decided what information to store, we must then organize the information so we can have access to them. This is important because it is how we perceive and create communication, and how we expand knowledge of people, events and objects to make life more pleasant and rewarding. 

We are creatures of order, especially by how we “see” the world. We are always trying to make sense of what we “perceive” so we can make decisions on how to live and interact with others.

As humans, we want to be happy, but we must often LEARN TO BE HAPPY! This “learning to be happy” is done by learning how we perceive and use information. THINK ABOUT IT.

So when we are “perceiving” new information we need to organize the information in the following way:

1. Have a plan of what we want (a vision). To quote a scripture from the bible, “Where there is no vision, the people perish,” (Proverbs 29:18). Having a plan when it comes to organizing what you perceive is a must in order to succeed or communicate. It also allows you to create a framework to store newly acquired information. 

IMPORTANT- Perceptions place blinders on ALL information, so try to diminish pre-conceived notions when getting new information.

2. Closure. We use a closure to fill in missing pieces of information. Of course that information we are using to fill in the “gaps” is often biased or ignorant. An example of this is when you see a homeless person on the streets begging form money. You don’t know their situation and why they are begging for money, but you “fill in the gaps” with preconceived information stored and come to a conclusion why he is begging (to get beer or drugs). 

3. Proximity and Similarity. Proximity is grouping things that are close to each other (i.e. because you are hanging out with “those” kind of people, you are one of those people—hmm, maybe mom was right when she told me to choose my friends wisely). Similarity is grouping things that resemble each other in color, size, shape or other traits (i.e. I love golf and if you love golf then you “probably” resemble me in other ways).

Part of that organizing process is also the interpretation of the information. You are assigning meaning to stored information via your personal experiences and opinions. As stated earlier, you must be careful not to let selective perceptions dictate interpretations at expense of missing critical information.

Good Communicators know that every issue has many sides (this is what we call critical thinking). Good communicators also know that others often influence or alter what we interpret (again, must use critical thinking).

Let me share with you what is termed “Perceptual Quicksand”

• We gather information using our senses and store it for future use, and we place interpretations on information to govern our behavior, habits, likes, dislikes and activities to provide pleasure and satisfaction. Problems occur when we use improper perception processes (selectivity), which can be a quicksand for success as a good communicator.
• We use stereotyping to assume a category defines something without regard for uniqueness and particular characteristics.
• We often have “expectations” of some event or information that gets in the way of the “facts.” We often determine ahead of time what the new information means to us before we have fully gathered or understood that information. 
• We use “time blinding” or “frozen evaluations” to make decisions without regard for change.
• We use our cultural background (race, national origin, social/educational class and religious pre-conceptions) to make “biased” decisions.
• We often use gender stereotyping (male or female) to make “biased” decisions.
• There is the “Hollywood Effect” being used in media to “twist” our views and perceptual process.

Good communicators must have a good understanding of perception and how it influences each of our decisions. There are many factors that are used to make up our perception, and just like a snow-flake, no two perceptions are completely the same. 

Questions (Answer one of the following questions)

1. Do you agree with the statement that we must learn to be happy? Why or why not. How does perception change the way we feel? How can perception change our “happiness level?”

2. How can changing your perception help you in your business and personal life?

Lesson 1 A Life Plan for Effective Human Relations

One of the many books in my library is the classic Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. This is one of those books I read early and often in my career and it has had a profound impact on my thinking and actions. One of the habits spoken of is Begin with the End in Mind. This has a direct relationship to the development of a life plan. 


Our world is changing rapidly with the advancement of technology, and we as a society have more options to be spending our time as well as more "gadgets" that can distract (or help) us with our daily activities. 


A Life Plan is a way of looking at the "big picture" of your life and honing in an appropriate definition of success. 


Most of us have been conditioned to define success in narrow terms. Too frequently we judge our own success, and the success of others, by what is accomplished at work. Successful people are often described as those who have a good job, make good money, or have reached the top in their field. The Life Plan that you will create will debunk this myth and look at your life as a whole and see how other factors such as family, friends, community service, exercise, church, and other critical areas of your life will shape your definition of success.

Jack Canfield in his book The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be said, 


"If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. this includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings -- everything!"


I couldn't agree more. 

Throughout this course you will have an opportunity to develop a Life Plan that can be used as a road map for your success. Before we get too far into this, I realize that many of you have tried numerous times to create some kind of "Life Plan Version;" these are often called New Years Resolutions. I also know that there is a good chance that most of these goals where never accomplished. It is my hope that throughout this course you will develop a new skill set that will help you with goal setting, goal achieving, and changing or redirecting your life to what you can call a success.

Questions (Please answer or of the following questions)


1. Have you ever set a goal that you really wanted to accomplish, but didn't? What happened? Why where you not able to accomplish that goal? How do you think that NOT accomplishing goals set hurt you?
2. If you could change one thing in your life what would it be and why? Since you can't most likely change it, how can you accept responsibility for that "thing" and how could that help you today?
3. Do you agree with the statement by Jack Canfield? Why or why not?